Today I want to share some personal thoughts based off the conference talk by Sister Runia “Seeing God’s Family through the Overview Lens” The talk revolves around the theme of viewing life and relationships through different lenses, she emphasizes the importance of taking a broader perspective. So I’d like to look at this talk from another perspective and share how asking questions can shape your life to be a safe and supportive family or church member.
Everyday our sister missionary, Reeghan, has found families and individuals whether inside or outside of the church wanting to find answers to their questions about life.
- When a loved one dies they want answers
- When parents struggle with their teenager they want answers
- When someone feels lost about their purpose in life they want answers
- When a first time mom worries about how she will raise her child she wants answers
- When a teen struggles to find acceptance and worth they want answers
- When an older parent is struggling to find ways to help their adult child deal with their trials they want answers
- When someone feels lonely and feel no need to be here on earth anymore they want answers
Then questions can turn to:
- When a long time faithful member of the church struggles with some of the church policy they want answers
- When a member can’t confidently say that the church is true they want answers
- When they can’t figure out why they aren’t receiving revelation they want answers
- When they want to understand the temple but can’t ask questions about it they want answers
As members of families and of the church you will minister to those who have questions. I’ve had opportunities to do a shared search with members and non-members the past few years. I’d like to share some things I’ve learned on this journey to create that safe and supportive space for those with these questions and to help us gain a zoomed out perspective of God’s love for each of his children.
First is to create space for differences in others building and strengthening their testimonies. Saying “I know the church is true” should not be a requirement imposed by others, ourselves or our culture to be a fully participating member of our congregations. Elder Uchdorf taught,
“I know of no sign on the doors of our meetinghouses that says, ‘Your testimony must be this tall to enter’ all different types of testimonies should be welcomed and valued in our congregations”
No honest testimony should ever feel like a second class testimony. I believe that the person behind each testimony is a daughter or son of our Heavenly Parents, doing the best they can to navigate this life and come unto Christ. All testimony types need to be heard and valued. If you have a “I know the church is true” continue to share it. If you have a “hope” or a “I want to believe” testimony please share that too. Hearing these testimonies helps everyone to feel that they belong here.
My testimony the last two years has been in the camp of “I want to believe” I have been experiencing alot of questions in regards to my own faith in the church due to having many hard conversations and listening to many close family members and friends whose marriages have failed, who have left the church, who have troubled and confused children, sickness and even death.
I am now grateful that I went through this because it gave me tools to lead others out of their so called desert and have a greater understanding for those who have stepped away from the church. I know that desert. It was one of the most difficult and scary things I have experienced. It affected almost everything in my life, including my emotional health. But I would not have traded that experience because it has shaped me as a member. I’m relatable, I’m a safe person someone can come talk to because I’ve been honest and upfront with how this has all played out for me.
“Before we interact with a loved one, can we ask ourselves the question “Is what I’m about to do or say helpful or hurtful?” Our words are one of our superpowers, and family members are like human blackboards, standing in front of us saying, “Write what you think of me!” These messages, whether intentional or unintentional, should be hopeful and encouraging.
Our job is not to teach someone who’s going through a rough patch that they are bad or disappointing. On rare occasions we may feel prompted to correct, but most often let’s tell our loved ones in spoken and unspoken ways the messages they long to hear: “Our family feels whole and complete because you are in it.” “You will be loved for the rest of your life—no matter what.
Sometimes what we need is empathy more than advice; listening more than a lecture; someone who hears and wonders, “How would I have to feel to say what they just said?
Each difficult interaction is an opportunity to learn how to love at a deeper level—a godlike level. Let’s admit, in a fallen world there’s no way to be a perfect spouse, parent, son or daughter, grandchild, mentor, or friend—but a million ways to be a good one.“
Tamara W. Runia
Is there something difficult in your life right now, something you’re worried can’t be resolved? Without the eye of faith, that might feel like God has lost oversight of things, and is that true?
Or maybe your greater fear is that you’re going to go through this difficult time all by yourself, but that would mean God has abandoned you, and is that true?
I no longer look at my experience as a step backward. I look at it as a “falling upward” and an important part of my eternal progress.
I believe it helps to have a supportive Latter Day Saint in their lives, so they are not walking this road alone. My goal in walking with them is not a specific outcome but rather to love them, trust them to make the best choices for themselves, and to be a safe person in their life to help them along the way.
President Nelson has taught that others need our love more than our judgment. “They need to experience the pure love of Jesus Christ reflected in our words and actions.”
I’d like to end with sharing lyrics to one of my favorite songs called, Yet.
I have not yet resolved some of my concerns, but I remain a committed member nonetheless. I want to believe that this is the only true church and the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. God has helped me focus on the pieces of the gospel that are firmly standing with deep roots such as the plan of happiness, the atonement of Jesus Christ and that Jesus Christ is my older brother. I can say that I know that I am a daughter of God and that my Heavenly parents love me.